I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
