My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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