At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I party with great urgency now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
