this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize