worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
