dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
