She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize