I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize