I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
