Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
