we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
