Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
