Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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