I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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