I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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