like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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