I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
