there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Of course I have a pirate flag
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
