I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
