Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
