Barsexuality is the new black.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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