I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
