this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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