if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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