Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
