i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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