I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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