Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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