Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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