so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
