Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i already hear my dad disowning me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
