i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
