He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
