I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
