is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
