Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
