he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
