how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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