Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
