I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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