I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize