what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
