Im at strip club and am horny
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
