So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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