he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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