She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
