I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
