Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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