Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
