Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize