Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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