Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
