Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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