Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
