Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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