In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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