Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
