Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
