R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Of course I have a pirate flag
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize