Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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