Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize