I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
