the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
