apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
