Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
