Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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