I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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