end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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