Your face is a jimmy john
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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