two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
