GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
