There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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