i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
