when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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