the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
