my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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