making cat noises will not fix the situation.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
