Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
