people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
