If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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