Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
