well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
