P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
