i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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