At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
